Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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