theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
