My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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