Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
