My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
