Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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