They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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