why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
