One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
