I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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