Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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