i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
