fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
