physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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