Will you blow on my dice?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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