I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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