filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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