the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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