I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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