i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
