A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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