I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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