Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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