I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
