You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
