I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
