my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Randomize
