when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
