I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
