That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
