i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
