Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
