My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
