I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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