a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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