I got chris browned last night
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Randomize
