What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I just gargled with NyQuil
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
