What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
