Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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