Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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