if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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