wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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