chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
