You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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