Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
