what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
he fucked my hip out of place.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
