need another drink. this is the easiest way
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
