I CAN MOONWALK!
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
