TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
