I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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