I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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