Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
