We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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